It's getting to be that time in my life. The time when the third question out of anyone's mouth when they meet me is "So, what do you plan to do after college?" It comes just after "What's your name?" And "Are you in school now?" If you're guilty of asking it, don't feel too badly for the mental torment you've caused me. Just kidding... sort of.
It is becoming harder and harder for me to be content with "I don't really know." Control-- wanting it is a flaw of mine.
I am discovering that passionate and indecisive are not the best character combination, either. Admittedly, I am both. I've always been one to go for what I want, and it's worked pretty well for the most part. The problem is this: I want to get a whole heck of a lot out of this life while I have it, which means I want a lot. To top it off, I am impatient, and I want to do it all at once.
I thought I could make a list of my top 5 passions/hopes and choose whatever profession meshed them together most effectively. But, I keep discovering more and more positions that combine things I love and feel strongly about. It's kind of a running joke I have with myself: pick a new profession every day.
I am too afraid to even put any of my ideas down in writing for the general public to see. My mind is so flighty about this that you would eventually think I'd totally lost any ability to commit. It's not true, I promise. I'm actually quite faithful... once I decide that to which I'd like to be faithful.
I'm having a bit of trouble discerning how much "work" I should be doing when it comes to searching for things. I'm also having trouble discerning the voice of God on this one- probably because I'm not fully listening most of the time. I don't think God wants to give me an answer when I ask Him a question but am not open to whatever answer He gives. He will wait for me until I am ready to hear what He has to say because His timing is just that perfect. So for now I will seek Him to soften my heart to hear and to listen.
And I will seek the Caller, not the calling.
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2 comments:
I completely understand. I leave people baffled after this familiar conversation:
Person - So, what's your major?
Me - Early Childhood Education
Person - So you're going to teach
Me - No
I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do in May and like you, I want to do so many things & do them all once I graduate.
I think you hit it - seek the CAller, not the Calling....He'll guide.
NOw...that was August. how is it going?
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